Eros

the chaotic power of Beltane

The spiral path from Spring Equinox to Beltane is arranged by a chaotic sort of growth that feels sudden, passionate, and primal. Buds miraculously emerge, neon orange poppies cluster in any forgotten island of green. Jasmin amasses into clouds and orange blossoms keep stopping me in my tracks, dragging me into a nostalgic haze. Spring Equinox is the bud, Beltane is the blossom. Our task now is to pollinate whatever feeds our spirits and garnishes the most nectar, to encourage the fruit to ripen. Following, engaging, and mingling with eros leads us to a sense of soul ripeness.

One of the more curious revelations in my grieving process has been an upwelling of creativity that feels wild, rambunctious, hard to tame, and overflowing. A vine climbing over a collapsing fence. I have lists of projects, ideas, books to read, paintings in progress, research initiated, and planning documents in various stages of completion - and I am weighed down by the immensity of it. I have come to understand that when we have been touched by death, another portal opens to remind us of the eros that makes life worth living. The Platonic understanding of “eros” is an inner motivation towards experiencing the divine, through beauty, art, and wisdom. Eros is a propulsion to experience the sensuality of the world and our human existence. Eros mingles the spiritual and earthly in a way that is alive, saturating, and liminal.

"Eros is not simply a feeling of love, but a life-force, a creative energy that drives us towards growth and transformation." - Jame Hillman

At the edge of Beltane, I ride this wave of grief with wonder at the magnification of eros in my life. Perhaps with an intimate understanding of death, our ability to make juice from life’s many blessings feels more urgent… yet unwieldy and oftentimes at odds with my energetic capacity. The fact that creativity emerges, and persists, keeps me returning to my paintings, sitting down to read poetry, and putting pen to paper. Regardless of the sorrow, the loss, the confusion, the eros pulls me forward.

As I walk with my grief through this extremely tenuous collective moment, I’m aware that we are all navigating a grief of our own, big or small, clear and crushing, or too elusive to hold. Calls for collective participation increase with each treacherous act, and I’m in constant conversation with friends and strangers about how to best navigate these revolutionary times. How can we reach through the belly of our fear, anxiety, and grief for the world, to the richness of our eros? How can we flip the coin of our grief to reorient towards the love we feel for our communities, the planet, and future generations of earth stewards? How can we create space for the dreams to take root, for the new systems to germinate in joy and creative profusion?

Beltane offers us clues. The fact that May Day, the anniversary of the Haymarket riots and a major turning point in the history of workers’ rights in the U.S. (and all over the world), is celebrated on Beltane, the ancient Celtic sabbath of Summer and fertility, is a wonderful synchronicity. Beltane is a fire festival, a time of revelry and celebration of the sensual nature of our earthly experience. At Beltane, sexual expectations were loosened, promiscuity was encouraged, all in the name of honoring the vital sexual force of Nature, moving the wheel of the year forward. At Beltane we revel in the power of transformation, through rites and rituals of pleasure.

At this moment, revolution is undeniable. The wheel of the year revolves with our active participation, our engagement with change, growth, progress. May it be eros that is motivating us towards building more just and caring futures, and may it offer us rigor, fight, and determination in the process.

Sigil for Eros from my Wyrd Sisters oracle deck.

Beltane Eros Spells:

Strawberries, bubbles, flowers in your foods, garden bathing, massage, resting mid-day, rearranging your furniture, packing up Winter necessities, honey. Participate in peaceful protests, with beautifully painted protest signs. Make offerings to your garden, to your home, to the land you occupy. Create a wish ladder to hang somewhere sacred; for pleasure and protection. Begin a new book or start a new notebook on May 1st. Dance in some wild and sacred place (or in your bedroom.) Affirm that you are worthy of pleasure. Reweave your wilderness back into its rightful place.